Today was one of those days. I got out of bed okay, but getting ready and getting to work was soooo hard! I spent all day at work feeling sad and distracted. My boss even said to me when I came in today that I looked kind of 'fuzzy'. I felt kind of fuzzy. Out of focus. Not really there. I think the next couple of weeks are going to be harder than I had thought, and I had thought they'd be pretty hard. :/ I don't know what's affecting me more right now, the one-year anniversary of our loss, or finding out that we have to do IVF. I'm just having such a hard time accepting it. I know it could be a lot worse, but for some reason my positive side isn't jumping on the bandwagon for this one. Maybe once we figure out how we're going to pay for it, and what clinic we're going to use I'll feel better. I'm just struggling with it all right now. I'm so angry at the world. I want to kick and scream about how unfair this is. It is unfair! It's truly unfair that any of us have to go through this. That people who so badly want to be parents, and who would be really great parents, aren't able to have children on their own.
Ugh. I want to kick the universe in the shins. That might make me feel better.
2 comments:
You're right - it isn't fair, and I'm so mad at the universe for dealing you this crappy hand of cards! You WILL have a baby one day, Meg, and you are an amazing Mom to the baby you lost and will be to your future child(ren). I have faith that you will figure out a way to pay for IVF and you will successfully have your take home baby ((hugs)).
I'm so sorry Meg :( I know those days (and weeks... and months), and I hate them, and hate that you are suffering through that right now.
I feel really optimistic that after you decide on a clinic, and after the financing starts to get in order, you will start to feel excited for this upcoming portion of your journey!
I hope today is much better for you than yesterday!
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